July 24, 2009

Newsflash: Internal Tracking System Found in Children

OK, so the kids have been M.I.A. for hours now, and I think it is safe to take a shower without being bothered. Ya know what I'm sayin'?

So. I grab my clothes, and go to the one bathroom that actually has plumbing. I start the shower. I peek out quickly to make sure the baby hasn't woke up yet, and that no stray child has wondered into our home and has to go #2.

Phew! Coast is clear. As I slip into the warm soothing water of the shower...

A knock. What was that? I didn't see ANYONE before I jumped in here.

Another knock.

Is this a joke? Am I on Candid Camera? Cuz if I am, I am gonna be real mad. I don't have any make-up on. Or clothing.

Another knock, then "MOM?"

"WHAT!? I am TRYING to shower!"

"Um. Deklyn said I was a bully."

"Are you SERIOUS? Is Candid Camera standing out there with you right now?"


"Nothing. Don't listen to him, and GO PLAY! I'm TRYING to take a shower!'

Silence. Ah silence! I can start to let the cares of the day roll off and down the drain...

Knock, knock, knock. "MOM?"

"Are you kiddin' me right now?"

"Mom? I have to poo*."

"Well, there's NO way you are gonna do it right now, dude. I am in the shower!"

"But I have to go REALLY BAD!"

"Then you had to go 10 minutes ago, BEFORE I got in the shower, so you should have came THEN. Right now, I am in the shower! You HAVE TO come back after I'm done!"


"GO! I'm in the SHOWER!!!!"

Silence. OK. SO this isn't going to relax me and whatnot, but at least I will get myself clean, right?

Knock. Knock. "MOM!"

"Are you serious? IS your dad home yet?!"

"Yes. He's home."


Silence. OK, I'm just gonna rinse this conditioner out before I have to jump out of the shower with it still in my hair, because someone outside the door had blood coming from a cut in their head or because someone has to #2 SO BAD.

I am POSITIVE that children have this tracking devise in their brains that tells them when their mother has locked a door, or when she starts to relax like .5%. They know it, and they don't like it!

I wonder if this is something we can have removed, like the salivary gland on a dog. Hmmm... Somethin' to look into...


PropellerHeadMom said...

It is definitely some type of tracking device! It only works with Moms - not Dads. When Dad is in charge, they seem to just fall asleep and take a nap (it figures). Maybe it has something to do with the fact that Dad usually falls asleep too :-) I should try that sometime!

blueviolet said...

LOL, that really had me laughing! It's so true. An alarm goes off or something....Mom's busy...NOW!!!!

Sabbie Bee said...

Guess what it spills over to cats. I can't go in the bathroom withou Tiger finding me.

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Megan said...

THanks for the laugh!!!!

I agree they can always track when I don't want them to come!

Together We Save said...

I know what you mean.... my girls are older now.....but let my phoine ring and they still demand attention.

Daisy said...

LOL that's such a hilarious moment! Well I remember when I was a kid to always being so panicky when mom was not around - as in where I can see her.